That's taking the...

For five and half years I have been taking proscribed diuretics every single day.

Yesterday I was told that I need take them no more. Five and a half years of working my daily routine around trips to the toilet is over.

I have dilated cardiomyopathy. At least, I think I still do. The implication from yesterday was that the dilated is no longer a concern, that the diuretics are no longer needed.

Five and a half years in which my life has been totally turned upside down, fitter, healthier, married. Five and a hlaf years in which close relatives have died and new ones born. And the one constant is the need to stay within range of a toilet for three or four hours every day. Removing them from my routine is a bigger thing than I imagined. They are deeply symbolic of who I was then and who I am now. I like me better now.

I am nervous though and will watch my weight carefully as I don't want to end up back where I was. In order to counter the weight I'd put on recently I took up running and developed the more serious approach to diet I first adopted on being discharged from hospital.

I learned my lesson. Once you've been in hospital for heart failure, you don't want to go back. Of course, it makes me sad that my dad never learned his lesson. He always claimed to be doing the right thing after his first major health scare but carried on with the cigars and the bacon sandwiches. His second health scare, his first related to his heart was dismissed altogether. It was nothing, the doctors had made a mistake. Some mistake.

I will miss my diuretics. They have been a visible sign that modern medicine is working for me. Day after day, litre after litre, they were proof that the medication was effective. I will have to develop other ways of noticing. And one will need to be my general fitness, the distance I can run with stopping, the times I get out the door to take control of my life.

Life takes another turn.

Coalition? House of cards?

I'm watching the stunningly dull collective news conference of the senior coalition members. So far, Clegg, May, Cable, Osborne and Cameron have said absolutely nothing.
It has been a bland blend of empty cliches.
And it should be pointed out that Vince Cable sounded as though he had been blackmailed, so limp was his enthusiasm.
This is just like Nick Clegg's announcement that his political reforms would be the greatest since the 1832 Reform Act. All that proved is that he has no idea about history and he has every idea to dress up an announcement that was a repetition of announcements from last week. And none of those were really great surprises.
So, in the national interest (yawn), stop playing the spin game so soon. Stop stay how great you will be and just get on with it.

You call this news?

What is it about the Daily Mail and the Mail on Sunday that makes me so angry?

Well, I'll take this morning's edition as an example. It has run a story about some insulting remarks made by the man in charge of the Football Association's 2018 World Cup bid.

Now, what he said was insulting. What he said was stupid, it was offensive. However, he was engaged in a private conversation with a former employee who was also, according to the story, a former lover. The private conversation was, lo and behold, recording in order to sold to the paper.

It's a honey trap, it's disgusting and it's self-defeating. Does the Mail hate foreigners so much that it doesn't want them visiting England in 2018? Is the Mail worried about the English team losing to foreigners on home soil, about being shown up in our own backyard?

Of course not. It all boils down to one thing, the man in charge of the World Cup bid is a Labour Lord.

In the interest of petty party politics and vain self-interest, the Daily Mail has done more harm to the World Cup bid than any individual could ever do. When we fail to win the bid we should not blame the FA, we should not blame Lord Treisman, we should blame the Daily Mail.

While we are on the subject

Has nobody talked about this crazy expressions, "a new politics" yet? Has nobody told the people using it that it doesn't make sense?

A new political code, a new political system, a new way of conducting political life. All of those has some sort of meaning.

"A new politics" sounds like it's referring to a make of East German car. It's an empty phrase that means nothing. This helps to explain its current popularity.

And currently, the media need something. There was much hilarity when Dave Cameron was reminded of his joke about Nick Clegg. However the headlines in the Express and Mail after the first debate ought to come back to haunt them. In one, he was virtually accused of being a Nazi.

Earlier this week, the Sun (yes, I know) had individual photographs of the new cabinet. Under all the Tory members were the details of their husbands, wives and the number of children they have. The details under the Lib Dem were grudging to say the least. Poor old David Laws and Nick Clegg were the only ones with no mention of their wives. We were told that Vince Cable wears the wedding rings of all his wives, even the one that died.

Through the press, we already know that Clegg is married (although the Sun no doubt enjoyed pointing out that he has foreign ancestry). We now know that Cable is a serial groom and that Laws has a really good degree!

Is the average Sun reader so sophisticated that they can pick up on the assumptions made about the Lib Dems in the cabinet. Nick Clegg is foreign. Vince Cable can't make his mind up about who is married to and Laws might still be single. Possibly in the Edward Heath sense.

On the other hand, all the Tories are wonderful family men and women and devoted parents too. Bless.

So much for the new politics. It's the same old nudges and hints. It takes more than a vacuous expression to change things around here.

Better late than never

Approaching 38, I am taking my driving test this Thursday.

This is only the second time I've taken driving lessons. The first was when I was 21. I failed the test and had no motivation for trying again.

I'm not sure what my motivation is this time but I'm doing it anyway. I'm cheating slightly by taking the test in an automatic. That doesn't bother me. If there's an easier option, one that cuts down on the time spent learning then do it.

I have brought the test forward by a week. I was originally due to take it the day before our holiday to France. We're supposed to be flying to Nice. The combination of BA strikes and volcanic ash means that we might have to take the car. I do not want my first experience as a fully licensed driver to be on a French motorway, thank you very much.

Assuming I pass, of course.

It's a minor point but important.

Sky News: giving it to you straight

Sky News has one of its breaking news banners at the moment stating that 22 people have been killed in the current Thai protests. The banner ends with the words:

No foreigners killed.

That's all right then.

Sky News, making Chris Morris look like a genius with every passing second.

It's been a long time coming

At last, after 13 years of hurt and pain, it's over. I can relax and look forward to the future without fear.

Yes, after 13 years of a Labour government, it's safe for me to watch and listen to satire.

For too long I've had to squirm as the party I voted for didn't do enough to get their message across and committed some fairly basic publicity gaffes.

So, listening to the News Quiz on Radio 4 was an absolute joy this week as the first ten minutes of the programme were given over to ridiculing the new Tory and Lib Dem coalition. Even the references to Gordon Brown were mostly sweet and gentle by comparison to those he has received for the last three years.

The first sign of this renaissance came on Thursday when Lucy Mangan wrote her list of 101 reasons to love our Tory government. Those who do not follow the link should know that she only got as far as 19.

It's called looking on the bright side. It'll get me through the next few weeks, at least.

Follow up and follow through

I promised myself a long time ago that I would get rid of my Facebook account. I finally managed it yesterday.
The reason for going in the end was the realisation that I could boost the number of friends quite easily but they would not be people I really know. Old acquaintances. Friends of friends. People you kind of know and add to boost your own numbers.
My real friends who are on Facebook, don’t really use it to communicate. The status updates and comment on my own were mostly coming from a handful of people. And a couple of those I don’t really know that well.
So I found myself getting upset by a couple of their comments about the election and took it badly. I flounced. I left. I quit.
I don’t need to know what these people are up to. If I’m interested, I’ll ask.
There’s something so irritatingly vain and needy about Facebook that I simply loathe.
Whereas blogging, on the other hand, there’s nothing vain about that (cough). Honest.

Control this

Three more deaths that would not have occurred if strict gun controls were in place.

BBC report of Alabama shootings

This is not a poor black man in a gang related shoot out. This is not the act of a robbery gone wrong.

This is a university professor denied a promotion. A university professor denied a promotion. It really is worth repeating.

Anyone who thinks their freedom would be curtailed because they don't have to right to shoot someone after being denied a promotion, is an idiot.

The right to bear arms is about stopping a foreign power from invading, not settling employment disputes. Get over it and move on.

Irony is.. (2)

Sixteen teams are left in the FA Cup. Four of them are clubs with the biggest financial problems of all.

Cardiff and Portsmouth are still in huge trouble with HMRC. Portsmouth are technically insolvent and only the benevolent nature of the Premier League will prevent them going out of business.

The last owners of Notts County managed to run up a £1.6 million debt in under a year and liabilities that might drive that higher.

Crystal Palace are in administration with £30 million in debts.

All are likely to go out of the cup this weekend. However, it offers hope that the cup still gives clubs a chance to shine when everything else is gloom (wow, that sentence was tortured). You could also argue that it shows up the competition's decline that teams which such huge problems are able to go so far.

Given that the draw also includes two of the wealthiest teams in the land, it's hard to draw a conclusion.

Saturday, 13 February 2010
Bolton Wanderers v Tottenham Hotspur
Chelsea v Cardiff
Crystal Palace v Aston Villa
Derby County v Birmingham
Fulham v Notts County
Man City v Stoke
Reading v West Brom
Southampton v Portsmouth

Irony is.. (1)

A sports team representing France calling an Irish team cheats. Given the nonsense talked about comparative intelligence of rugby players compared to footballers, you'd have thought that Morgan Parra might have thought twice before opening his mouth.

Of course, he might have been misquoted. But then Ireland might have been going to the World Cup in South Africa this year.

Hypocrites

So, no one bothers about John Terry when he had a previous affair. Now, because he has an affair with the girlfriend of team mate, suddenly it's a problem.

Down in the trenches

Tony Blair. The Iraq Inquiry. Six hours of questions and answers that was utterly fascinating.

Here's the problem, it's another lack of awareness thing. Those who are opposed to Blair and the war in Iraq are just as entrenched as Blair himself. Nothing he could ever have said would have persuaded them to change even one thought in their minds.

They complain that he is a liar. I'm not convinced. He is absolutely certain that what he says is the truth. Who are we to judge who were not there? The decisions may have been wrong but that does not make him a liar.

It has become a cause celebre, so much so that it has lost all sense of perspective and judgement. What do the protesters now hope to achieve? I suspect it's more a battle for history, a battle to define Blair's legacy.

Those on the left should be just as concerned about trying to define Blair's domestic legacy. By seeking to ingrain the longest serving Labour prime minister as a lying, cheating war criminal, they could be doing untold damage to the future of the party.

The irony is that the very opponents of Blair, tend to come from the political wing that should have been backing him. The opposition to him now does not come from the right.

There are semi-regular reports in the British newspapers about financial decisions coming back to haunt executives of American companies. It seems that if a large company fails, there is the real possibility of criminal charges being brought. This might explain why American politics is all about not making decisions but tweaking the status quo.

Well, Blair made a decision. I didn't like it then, I don't like it now. But I don't for one second believe it was a criminal decision, just a bad one. Are we so entrenched as to believe that anyone who makes a decision we don't agree with must be prosecuted? Even one that costs lives? Every political decision effects lives. Attempting a citizens arrest or a prosecution as a war criminal opens up a scary precedent.

People now need to step away from their beliefs and think about what they really want to gain from this. And, where that might lead them.

Which end of the stick do I grab?

Owen Coyle, manager of Burnley, sorry, Bolton Wanderers FC is complaining about the abuse dished out by football fans. He has a point.

He, unfortunately, has the wrong point.

He calls the baiting of managers and coaches "a social problem". I can see his point. What he is complaining about is the abuse he received from Burnley fans when they played Bolton on Tuesday. Until two weeks ago, he had been the manager of Burnley.

Burnley fans were upset that he left, during the course of a season, to manage a rival club. Now, here's the real point. Of course they're going to be upset. Of course, they are going to show their resentment. Did they go too far? Probably. But there was an underlying reason for doing.

Speaking out like this is self-serving. It attempts to deflect criticism away from himself. The trouble is, it also deflects criticism away from the football fans who hurl abuse for absolutely no reason. Here, I'm referring specifically to racist, misogynistic and homophobic comments. The racist ones are less common in British football now, although they do occur.

Lumping the abuse towards Coyle for leaving a club in the lurch to pursue his own agenda with homophobia is egotistical nonsense. It denigrates the unwarranted abuse dished out. Coyle should be rightly upset by the abuse he received. However, he ought to take it on board and remember it when it comes to choosing the timing of his next appointment. If he's still with Bolton, he'd do better to wait until the end of the season and be open and polite about what he's doing.

It's not the same Owen. If you were black, gay or female you'd be insulted that you attempted to suggest that it might be.

Freedom shouldn't be like this

Jon Gaunt has won the right to appeal against his dismissal from Talksport for calling the head of children's services at Redbridge Council a Nazi live on air.

Gaunt says "It goes back to Magna Carta – as an Englishman, I have a right to say what I feel."

In that case, I have the right to say what I feel. You're a cock. You're a fool. You're an idiot. You're the epitome of everything that is wrong with a particular type of Englishman. You live in a past that never existed. You think you are always right. You lack respect for diversity of opinion. You do not create debate, you stifle it by ensuring that opposition is shouted down and ridiculed.

You deny free speech by abusing it. You Nazi.

They should know better - no.47

This week, the British Film Institute.

The BFI is normally the bastion of interesting cinema. It chooses diversity in a way that no other cinema in Britain is able to do.

It is no surprise that it supports women filmmakers by putting on a festival to highlight their work.

It is a surprise to find it's called "Birds Eye View".

Something went wrong at that meeting.

This is not philanthropy

Cowell, estimated fortune, £100 million.
McCartney, £825 million.
Stewart, £100 million.
Barlow, £30 million.
Williams, £75 million.

Other wealthy people are involved are involved in Chairman Cowell's charity cavalcade. These are just names mentioned in this article from the BBC. Some of the other names do not yet have multi-million pound fortunes.

I do not have a fortune in the multi-millions, millions, hundreds of thousands or thousands. Nor, I suspect do the people who may be tempted to buy the charity single.

I still have absolutely no idea why people need a product in order to make them give. Or why those who have are not tempted to give money without demonstrating their piety.

According to the BBC, Band Aid raised £75 million between January 1985 and November 2004. Comparisons between era are usually difficult but even if we put a figure of £100 million on it, those involved could save themselves the bother and just give the money themselves.

Of course, they shouldn't have to. But then neither should we. Can I suggest a compromise. I'll get together ten of my friends. We'll record a single and then the 50 wealthiest people in the country can buy it for £1 million each.

Then at least we might be spared the posturing of Mr Cowell and Co. Bless 'em, they'll raise lots of money. Jolly well done. But this is not philanthropy.

So far, £38 million has already been raised by the British public in under a week. That speaks volumes. Superstar charity should go through the traditional route.

Cowell and co should give here, give often and without publicity:

DEC Haiti Earthquake Appeal

Has the world gone completely mad?

What do these things have in common?

John Grisham's novel The Associate
Sit-com Modern Family
Irish folk-pop duo The Lost Brothers

Answer?

I have no idea what the basis of their popularity is.

The Associate is the only Grisham novel I've read so I can't be harsh about his whole back catalogue. But this book goes nowhere. It has no end and it's a deliberate non-ending in an attempt to be threatening. However, it's just plain pointless. Mind you, I stopped caring a long time before. There were no reasons to emphasise with the protagonist in the first place.

But maybe that was the point. Somehow, I don't think he's that clever.

Modern Family. Over-acted. Under-written. Very well marketed. But I've written about that before.

The Lost Brothers are a new one for me. Last Friday, Diana and I went to see a band called the Swell Season. They were perfectly fine. It was a good night. However, one of the support acts were a, gulp, wannabe Proclaimers. Two guys, guitars, harmonies and truly awful lyrics with rhymes straight out of the advanced Noel Gallagher series of look/book/cook.

It was funny. Simple melodies, very simple lyrics and seemingly synchronised movements.

And lo and behold, they only closed the Culture Show on BBC2 tonight. What is going on?

Yet another instalment of:

Has the world gone completely mad?

Postscript
Oh, by the way, this is a little unfortunate.

Heard on radio this afternoon.

A BBC reporter in Haiti was talking about the huge number of amputations the doctors are getting through. He described the number as "staggering".

Welcome to my world

1 Watching English speaking actors, playing Germans only works if they learn to speak German. Doing the old Allo Allo trick just doesn't wash anymore. The Reader is currently showing on Sky. It looks all well and good but the speaking English with a German accent is frankly ridiculous. This is something that critic Mark Kermode has been harping on about for a while and having watched parts of The Reader and remember Kristen Scott Thomas' pitch perfect French in, amongst others, Tell No One, I agree.

Of course, it's made worse by the use of a young German actor in one of the lead roles, speaking in English. At least his accent is genuine.

2 The aforementioned Mark Kermode has written a book that is due out in February. He is, by some considerable distance, the most interesting of the current crop of film critics. I only ever get a sense of his pandering to someone else's cause when he has to review a film involving someone he is interviewing.

There is an obvious social awkwardness involved. Just before the Paris peace conference in 1960, the Soviet's shot down an American U-2 spy plane. Obviously angry, Kruschev is reputed to have said to the Americans "you don't shit where you're about to eat". And I guess that's a long winded way of saying that I understand why Kermode only accentuates the positive when reviews films in front of their makers.

Anyway, The Observer carried a preview of his book. It looks like regular followers of Kermode will have a problem. The excerpt was of the day Werner Herzog was shot whilst being interviewed by Kermode, a story very familiar to his listeners. But if you listen to him a lot, you tend to hear his stories repeated. It's the peril of doing a live radio show. The record of what you said is aural rather than written and you're less likely to refer back to a recording.

3 Pat Robertson is an idiot. Obviously. At least he clarified his remarks. In the end it turns out that they are only moderately offensive. He repeated a myth about Haiti's revolt against France rather than making a claim about the earthquake. Well done him.

So, instead of saying that the earthquake was the fault of a godless nation, he said emphasised that a nation of slaves could only throw off the might of the white man through a pact with the devil.

That's not offensive at all, is it Pat? You want to think about that one for a moment?

But never let fairness get in the way of a good argument.

4 It's only been a year folks. Just slow down in your haste to judge.

5 Kate Winslett has the scariest blue contact lenses in this film. Really. It looks like she has no pupils at all.

6 I mean, what can you actually do in a year when you're working in a system with so many checks and balances that if you have to fulfill a promise you have to make fifty more?

7 Football has many cliches. My favourite at the moment is the old "football is a cruel mistress" one.

The potential saviours of Crystal Palace have bought West Ham instead.

No one has any money at all. Sol Campbell, knowing how badly in debt his old club Portsmouth are, has decided to sue them for £1.7 million in lost bonuses and image rights. Image rights? This truly is a crazy world. Does he not realise that ever pound he adds to their debt ensures that small businesses will not get paid? When is enough, enough? He's just resigned for Arsenal. I would imagine he's probably going to be getting more than £10,000 a weak (a very conservative estimate)

Man Utd are £716 million in debt and this is no reason to panic because it is broadly in line with expectation. Man City reported an annual loss of £92.6 million last year.

8 I have this theory that I'm working on. It's related to the momentum that is gathering, in technology, politics and the media for example. We are hurtling towards a world of instant gratification and judgment where considered thought and logical reactions are not required, where fear and brash opinion is the main driver.

Anyway, some of what's gone before relates to that. I'm still working on it. I'll let you know later.

Wrong, wrong, wrong

The British newspaper culture is both wonderful and desperate at the same time.

Here's an example of how pathetic it can be.

I am a fan of Crystal Palace, although not much of a fan at the moment which is ok because it's not much of a club at the moment.

A month ago, the club were served with a winding up petition by the HM Revenue and Customs. This is, effectively, notification that unless tax debts are paid, the club will be wound up and forced to cease trading. The petition comes first. If the debts are not paid it becomes a winding up order.

Are we clear?

The petition was lodged in December.

If debts are not paid by 27 January, the courts will issue are winding up order.

Explain this story, posted last night:Well, done the Daily Mirror. Not only have you got the wrong terminology but you've used it a month after it actually happened.

Idiots.

But do you know what the real problem is? It's crappy journalism like this that allows fan to develop a mindless "them against us" mentality. It's lazy, shoddy, cliched journalism like this that really prevents the fans from interrogating what is happening at their club.

Palace fans are starting to do this but the current chairman has been given far too much breathing room for too long. The club is losing more money than it earns. Something drastic has to happen before it gets better.

The trouble is, you can rely on most papers to cover it in cliches and soundbites. And David Conn of the Guardian is too busy pulling apart the finances of Notts County, Portsmouth Man Utd, Liverpool and the rest to really notice the utter mess Palace is in. He's about the only one who can do the scenario justice.

By the way, feeling free to read the Mirror article here.