Garth Crooks

As much ability for "post-match" interviews as Sally "How do you feel?" Gunnell. The BBC continues to employ this Yoda wannabe. Today's gem? A poor second half performance from England and although Paraguay never really threatened it all got a bit tense and nervous. So, Garth has quite a period of time to prepare his questions, to think of something intelligent to ask, possibly about tactics or motivational techniques. And what do we get?

"The Trinidad and Tobago game is a must win game. Will you be looking for a better performance?"

Er, back to the studio for some analysis. What the fuck do you think Garth? You talentless free-loading bastard. Thanks to the unique way the BBC is funded you have been gifted a post-playing career. Can you actually learn how to do it properly?